i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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