The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The uberlube is also flammable
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
