her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
