My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
