that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
