Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
