Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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