people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
