i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
