He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
