I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
