yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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