I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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