I just saw a hot homeless man
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
