Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
