im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just found puke in my bra..
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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