Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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