508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
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They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
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In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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