We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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