And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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