I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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