i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
