YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
