I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
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We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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