he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
