I am in a vortex of obligation.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
