The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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