just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
