Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
