Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
