I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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