Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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