Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
