his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
