oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize