This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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