do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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