Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
