Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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