I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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