So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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