Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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