She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
