He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
