I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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