Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
