theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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