Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
