Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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