and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
