If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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