Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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