shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize