just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
