she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize