they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Go christen that room with your naked body.
did i just pee glitter
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
