Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
