I looked at my own cervix.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
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Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize