he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
