This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
