shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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