I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
His hands were made for my vagina.
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I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
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I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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