I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
