you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
