Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
