Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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