The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
