i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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