On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
