i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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