i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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