I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
