all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
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I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
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there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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