His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
