If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
