I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
