we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
