He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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