I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
