When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
